Mowing the Lawn, Part II - The Epiphany

While I was mowing the lawn, as referenced in Mowing the Lawn, Part I, I had some time to think about an argument I had with my girlfriend. I thought a more detailed account would be worthwhile, so here it is.

We recently moved into our first residence together, which is a three-bedroom house of substantial size. As I learned during the move, I totally underestimate how much stuff I have.

Leading up to our moving in together, I thought my girlfriend had at least a vague idea of how much square footage I consume. But, as it turns out, she was pretty much totally unprepared to share space with a hobby-addicted nerd. I draw, paint, sculpt, skateboard/longboard and bike. I play roller derby, various musical instruments and dabble with home studio recordings. I have nine videogame consoles with sensory-destroying peripherals, more games than I can count and four computers. For many years, I was addicted to collecting DVDs, toys and graphic novels, and those collections still fester. "Someday" I'll downsize them. I also have a healthy collection of respectable books, mostly in the Sci-Fi genre. Combine these hobbies and things with furniture, bedding, clothes, shoes and collected nick-nacks from around the world and you have a veritable, overwhelming mess of belongings.

Two days after our move, my stuff is still mostly in boxes, but I've got it sorted between the three floors of the house. What I don't have, though, is a desk for my PC.

On this weekend night, I invite some friends and my brother over to hang out and, as these things happen, we all are currently infatuated with Starcraft 2. So, I can't not set up my PC. Best place for it, at this point, is in the kitchen/dining room area, because we have a large countertop island between the two rooms, with a grounded outlet right there. So, I set up my PC and we bunker down for some SC action. It's all good.

The next day, my girlfriend asks how long the computer will be in the Kitchen. I tell her that I'll put it downstairs as soon as I have a desk. I'm thinking that I'd like to get two 2-drawer filing cabinets and use them as a base for a 6' countertop, thus creating a big, solid, utilitarian computer desk that can easily collapse and move. She thinks that's a cool idea.

I spend some days shopping around for filing cabinets, but all I can find are in the price range of $60-300 apiece. (!!!) This is unacceptable. I continue shopping around.

On Sunday, before I mow the lawn, my girlfriend and I go out to do some household shopping. We stop at a home-improvement superstore to get extension cords and power strips, and for me to do some more casual shopping for desk parts. They don't really have much in the way of what I need for the desk. We walk over to the office-supply superstore nearby with the explicit intention of shopping for desk pieces. Their selection of filing cabinets is in the same price range as what I mentioned earlier: too f'n expensive.  My girlfriend starts to get frustrated. I forget what was said, exactly, but it becomes an in-store argument about my unwillingness to pay what is necessary for what I want, and/or my refusal to compromise by getting a cheaper desk specifically designed for computers, with a well aimed point at a nearby stack of $40 computer desks. I explain with conviction that I just want to get the right parts for the right price, and that I don't want some small, cheap computer desk that won't serve my needs and will probably just fall apart in a year or two. She basically throws her hands up in frustrated exhaustion. We're both annoyed about the goddamned computer desk situation, and at each other.

While mowing the lawn, I reflect on the entire situation, which is something I don't normally have the time or patience for in my adult life. I am able to think past my symptomatic frustration and diagnose the problem. I take my mind back in time to before the argument. I remember that my computer is set up in the kitchen. In the kitchen. I had told her that my computer would be out of the kitchen as soon as I had a desk. Therefore, from my girlfriend's perspective, (Computer + Desk)=(Kitchen - Computer). Our argument wasn't about the desk at all -- It was about having a kitchen without a desktop PC violating its essence.

I apologize and move my computer out of the kitchen. The next day, I get my desk all set up. Now I have what I want, my girlfriend has the space she needs and our house looks 57% less trashy. Win win win.

I guess the moral of this story is that, in a relationship, it's really good to reflect on your arguments and try to think deeper than symptomatic frustrations. Think beyond yourself, and try to remember the things you've done and said. Make the time to really figure out what the real problems are, and be willing to admit when you're wrong.

Mowing the lawn is a perfect little chunk of time for this sort of thing.